When Logan was first born, I loved holding him and being a stay at home mom and just being able to be with him all the time. I didn't think I would ever not want to be with him. Well, the time has come and honestly even thinking about it makes me feel like a bad mom. When I stayed at home I was able to take care of Logan and the house and not have to worry about the stress of work. Easy enough, but Logan was only a few months old too, makes a big difference. Once I got my job and then started going back to school, I HATED being away from Logan. I still do. But then Vince got laid off so he would take over my responsibilities...or so I thought. I go to school Mon-Thurs. I work Fri-Sun. I don't have a day where I can just lay around and say, "I have nothing to do today" On the days that I go to school, I feed Logan food..not bottles for every meal, which Vince likes to do and I keep telling him not to. That bugs me!! I also do the dishes, clean the house, play with Logan and check on my facebook. What a glamorous life :) I make dinner and then go to class for two and half hours and then come home. Sometimes Logan is in bed...sometimes not. On the days that I work, I get up and feed Logan while Vince is still sleeping..even though it's 9:30 in the morning. He doesn't need to be up all night on the computer. But this is only on the days I work at 10:30, when I work at 6am, Vince has to feed Logan breakfast, but he feeds him bottles because he's 'too tired to mix up some cereal and fruit for him'. Are you friggin kidding me?! I do it everyday, why can't he? Anway, on those days I come home from work and Vince hands Logan over to me and then expects me to take up my regular duties of cleaning and cooking dinner. Well I'm tired when I get home!!! I don't want to do dishes and make dinner, why couldn't he do that while I was working? It's not like I ask that much of him. Yes, Logan is a handful now that he's moving..but it's such a joy to be there with him. I would gladly trade spots with Vince...I want to be a stay at home mommy again. I've already missed a couple of firsts:( But Vince doesn't get that. Maybe it's just how men are.
My point is...I'm getting burnt out!! I need a break. Working and school and taking care of Logan. I never get a break. I just want one day all to myself. No Vince, no Logan, no work, no school, no nothing...but is that ever going to happen, doubtful. I wish for once I could come home to a clean house. I hate walking into the kitchen and there's dirty dishes and garbage and other crap. But Vince doesn't clean. And honestly this is wearing on my relationship. I haven't told him, but he can tell something is bothering me. I'm just so tired all the time. I can't believe I'm still up actually, but tomorrow is my day off so I want to enjoy my evening. Sometimes thinking about getting married isn't something I really want to do with Vince. I don't believe in divorce and once we're married, it's final. Don't try to tell me otherwise...that's how I was raised. Do I really want to be married to man that won't do little things for me to make me feel special? Or clean the house to suprise me, not even clean the house...clean one room, even that would be appreciated. I don't know, this blog isn't what I was planning on writing, it just sort of got here by itself. It's just something in the back of my mind, but I love Logan and I don't want him growing up going between houses. I would give up my happiness for him, but what parent wouldn't. Ok, I'm getting exhausted just writing this..I'm going to bed.
Hon, I'm going to tell you what people told me. A child can sense when their parent is unhappy. They are very empathetic. So staying together because you don't want to put Logan through going between houses, is just going to hurt him more in the long run than having mommy and daddy not live together.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to sit Vince down and tell him how you feel. He needs to know that you're upset and overworked and he needs to know that his duties as a stay at home dad are the exact same as when you were a stay at home mom. End of story. If he can't handle that, he needs to get a job and pay the bills so that you can stay home.
And inform him that feeding Logan bottles all day long is NOT good for him. He needs FOOD because he's 9mo (?) old. Would Vince like to just drink milk all day long and not be fed? Probably not right? It's the same thing.
Oh, Lindsey, Yep, Kristin is right, you need to talk to Vince, because believe me, things won't get better if you don't. I would love to take you away for a day of just mom/daughter stuff. And you really do need to think about "is this what I want for the rest of my life?"
ReplyDeleteYeah, Logan is 9 months old and should be eating food. Vince says he hates being cooped up in the house and wants me to find a babysitter, but I don't know anyone in Peoria and I'm not taking him to just anybody's house and daycare is out of the question. Vince doesn't like being a stay at home dad.
ReplyDeleteHow are you going to pay for a babysitter? He needs to grow up and man-up. This is real life.
ReplyDeleteI'm in agreement. Why is a babysitter needed when Dad doesn't work? There is no reason for that.
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