Working Mommy

I have decided that I don't want to get old. Working at Riverview has given me this realization. I don't want to be stuck in a wheel chair the last few years of my life. Some people just seem so miserable there and this isn't even a nursing home. Mom...I will never, ever put either you or dad in a nursing home. The job itself is decent, some of the residents are rude but for the most part, people are really nice. I've already gotten to know a few of them on a first name basis. I look at Logan and think, wow...the people living here used to be as small as him. It really makes you realize your mortality. Time just goes by way too fast. Actually, since having Logan, I have been thinking a lot more about life. Like my mom was 24 when she had Kevin. I was 23 when I had Logan. I knew both sets of my grandparents. Ashleigh is only six years younger than me and I don't think she remembers Grandma and Grandpa Gschwind. Just those few years and so much had changed. I was always close to my Grandpa Koch and lately I've been really missing him. I don't know why. Being around people in his generation at Riverview really makes it soak in. He's been gone for eight years already, wow. I just want Logan to have a good relationship with both sets of grandparents and his great aunts and great uncles. This really has nothing to do with the title of my blog at all, but it's been weighing on my heart. Sometimes I wish I could reset the clock and do things over. My grandma died knowing I was living in sin. I wish so badly I could have changed that. I must be the worst grand daughter on the planet. I just miss them so much. Maybe Riverview isn't the best place for me to be working...it's making me miss everyone that I've lost. I'm crying as I'm writing this. I think that's it for now.