Thursday, February 23, 2012
I Wonder
To be completely honest, sometimes I wonder if things would be easier if it was just me and the kids. Don't get me wrong, I love Vince, but sometimes love isn't enough. Yes, I understand he works 10 hour days and is tired when he gets home and has to be in bed by 8pm in order to be up at 3am. He works from 4am-2:30pm. But as soon as he walks in the door he goes downstairs. I tell him he should stay upstairs with me and kids, but he says he likes it downstairs and that me and the kids should come downstairs. Well, the only thing we have downstairs is the laundry room, storage, Vince's video game room and the family room which consists of two couches and a tv. I'd rather not take the kids downstairs just to sit them in front of the tv. I don't know why he doesn't understand that. The only time he comes upstairs is when I yell at him that I need help with the kids. Otherwise, it's just me. The only thing that he is doing for our household is providing an income and he doesn't even make enough to pay the bills thanks to child support and the fact that he only makes $9/hr. He causes me lots of stress because I'm always getting after him about taking care of the kids. I don't want to have to ask for his help, I want him to just help. I go to school, clean the house(when I have time)take care of the kids(he won't change the girls' diapers) and I even make his lunch for him. I haven't been making dinner for awhile because I just don't feel like it. So he makes himself something to eat and then goes back downstairs to do his own thing. Never mind that I have to study some nights. I again have to ask for his help. I don't like to diss on people, but I think Vince's mom did a lot for him growing up. Because now he doesn't want to do anything to help me. He won't clean the house ever. He never empties the garbage can. He doesn't fill, run or empty the dishwasher. He doesn't do laundry. He pretty much doesn't do anything. I don't believe in divorce, but I'm really getting tired of doing everything. I know he loves the kids, but I need that help from him. I don't know....
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I think I'd ask his mom to come and help you in the evenings. Maybe she could gently suggest to him that he needs to help you more. As far as him wanting to know what you want, it's not in a man's DNA, they don't think like women.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I would go to the "game room" and box up any distractions to family.... and say he can have them back as he earns them.... sometimes men are like boys.... :) PS I would stop making the lunches too!
ReplyDeletePersonally if it were ME I'd let him know that marriage is not 'wife waiting on husband and husband doing as he pleases all the time'. You are a TEAM in this and if he would rather not work with you as a TEAM then he needs kick rocks. Dave and I had 'very' similar problems except he would be sitting right there in the living room playing Ever Crack II from the time he walked in the door to well after I went to bed. He left everything up to me and no matter how I begged he refused to do anything for me or help me with anything. We ended up breaking up for a while because of it. He needed to learn that I was not a doormat and I needed to learn how to communicate that I was not a doormat :).
ReplyDeleteMy advice is to sit down with him and work out a schedule. He deserves time to decompress after work, I always give Dave at least an hour (sometimes longer) before I start bugging him to put down the video game or whatever he is doing after work. After that time he is usually relaxed enough that he can help me make dinner (or sometimes do it himself),help with homework, or just keep the kids away from the bathroom long enough for me to take a bath. If Vince can't handle that, then I'd let him know if he wants to pretend like he's single, you would happily make his fantasy a reality. I would also stop treating him like a baby. Stop doing his laundry for a week or 2 and quit making his lunches. Let him figure out what you actually do DO for him every day and he'll pull his head out of his ass that much faster :). Good luck girl.
He's a father, not a babysitter. It's ridiculous that he won't change his daughters' diapers.
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