One Year Ago

It's hard for me to believe that one year ago I found out I was having twins. The day before my 26th birthday. Going into the OB/GYN and just expecting to hear that, "yep, your positive home pregnancy test was correct, you are indeed pregnant." Instead hearing that I was pregnant with twins. It just went so fast. My midwife gave me the sono picture, sent me to the lab to get blood drawn and then refers me to a specialist who deals with high risk pregnancies. And then of course almost passing out while I was waiting to check out. I had just been accepted into the physical therapy assistant program at ICC. I knew there was no way that I was giving that up though. I had been trying to get in for two years and with the twins coming, I was really going to need a college education. We were also in the process of looking for a new house. We had to move out of Peoria and fast!

The girls are five months old now and Logan is three. I love my children very much, but they can also get under my skin, but honestly who can say that their kids don't. Logan has been taking a nap the past few days, I'm sure in part due to the fact that he just got over an illness. He won't nap in his bed though, he'll lay on the couch and fall asleep. I think he likes that he can choose where he gets to nap. On May 8, I'm taking Logan in to see a speech therapist. His vocabulary really doesn't seem to be where it should be for his age. I can understand 70% of what he says, the problem is he doesn't have a very extensive vocabulary. I don't know why. I read to him every night, he repeats anything Vince or I say, but yet he can't put a whole sentence together. Like, instead of saying, "I'm hungry," all he says is "eat." Or instead of, "I don't want to go nigh nigh," he says "no nigh nigh." I hope it's nothing too bad and that it can be worked out before he starts preschool.

 The girls are rolling machines now. They haven't started scooting yet, but I can tell Aimee is getting close. Once she's on her belly, she'll stick her butt up in the air and get her legs underneath her like she's ready to push off. Nothing yet though. I'm almost thinking I need to start planning for their birthday already too. What do you do for a twin first birthday party? I have no idea. The only thing I've come up with so far is Thing One and Thing Two from 'Cat in the Hat', but we don't really even read much of Dr. Suess in this house. So I need to come up with something better. Any ideas?

April already?

Wow, my goal was to write in this blog once a week. I guess life just gets in the way.

So things have been going good. Logan is still not potty trained and is just getting over a double ear infection. This is his second go-around, he had an ear infection earlier in March and then got sick again. This medicine seems to be doing the trick this time. He is the most stubborn kid I have ever met. I almost think it would be easier to just keep him in diapers for the rest of his life...joking. But, man am I getting tired of changing three sets of diapers. Vince really is no help when it comes to diaper changing. He refuses to change the girls and will only change Logan's if I beg and plead. What a wonderful husband(says the wife sarcastically).

The girls just turned 5 months old! I cannot believe how fast the time is going. They are almost half a year old, *sniff* :( Aimee has been rolling over from her back to her tummy for about a month now and just started rolling from her tummy to her back. So she is all over the place. Anna just recently rolled from back to tummy. Even though she is the bigger twin, she seems a little behind. I know you aren't supposed to compare twins as twins. They are their own person. But Anna is just a little slower than Aimee. Aimee smiled and laughed first too. I love my little girls. I don't know for sure if they're identical, but they do look a lot alike. In the future, I plan on getting them tested just because when people ask them if they are identical they will be able to tell them for a certainty. If they are identical, I think when the egg split that they each got half of a personality. At 5 months old, they are nothing alike. Anna is SO jealous!! If I pick up Aimee, Anna will cry and fuss. If Aimee is eating, Anna will cry and fuss. Aimee couldn't care less. She is so laid back and she loves to talk.

We recently started them on rice cereal. Just a little bit. Aimee is doing pretty good with it, but Anna is still shoving the cereal out with her tongue so she may not be quite ready yet. Both girls adore their older brother. Whenever he is around, they just smile and coo at him. He seems to like them too, for the most part. He is pretty jealous still. Whenever we go out in public and someone stops us and starts oohing and aahing over the twins, Logan starts to act up. He does this anywhere we go. So if you happen to see us out and about, make sure to include Logan too :)

I will do my absolute best to keep this blog updated with news about the twins and pictures. School will be done in a month so I know for sure I will have time then.

I Wonder

To be completely honest, sometimes I wonder if things would be easier if it was just me and the kids. Don't get me wrong, I love Vince, but sometimes love isn't enough. Yes, I understand he works 10 hour days and is tired when he gets home and has to be in bed by 8pm in order to be up at 3am. He works from 4am-2:30pm. But as soon as he walks in the door he goes downstairs. I tell him he should stay upstairs with me and kids, but he says he likes it downstairs and that me and the kids should come downstairs. Well, the only thing we have downstairs is the laundry room, storage, Vince's video game room and the family room which consists of two couches and a tv. I'd rather not take the kids downstairs just to sit them in front of the tv. I don't know why he doesn't understand that. The only time he comes upstairs is when I yell at him that I need help with the kids. Otherwise, it's just me. The only thing that he is doing for our household is providing an income and he doesn't even make enough to pay the bills thanks to child support and the fact that he only makes $9/hr. He causes me lots of stress because I'm always getting after him about taking care of the kids. I don't want to have to ask for his help, I want him to just help. I go to school, clean the house(when I have time)take care of the kids(he won't change the girls' diapers) and I even make his lunch for him. I haven't been making dinner for awhile because I just don't feel like it. So he makes himself something to eat and then goes back downstairs to do his own thing. Never mind that I have to study some nights. I again have to ask for his help. I don't like to diss on people, but I think Vince's mom did a lot for him growing up. Because now he doesn't want to do anything to help me. He won't clean the house ever. He never empties the garbage can. He doesn't fill, run or empty the dishwasher. He doesn't do laundry. He pretty much doesn't do anything. I don't believe in divorce, but I'm really getting tired of doing everything. I know he loves the kids, but I need that help from him. I don't know....

Back to Work

The time has come for me to start back to work. This Saturday will be my first day back after 12 weeks off. I cannot believe how fast it went. Thankfully though, I will only be working on the weekends so it won't be too bad. I'm also excited that it will be first shift as well, so I will still be able to put Logan to bed every night. We've got a little routine going and the one time I had Vince do it, Logan was very upset. Daddy didn't give him a kiss goodnight and I always do. :) Vince also had this past week off work because CAT shut down half of their line and there wasn't enough for everyone to do, so he stayed home. It will be a little rough without a paycheck next week, but we'll manage.

School will also be starting back up this month too. I received a letter in the mail from ICC telling me that my financial aid was terminated because I've accumulated too many college credits over my college career. My teachers had told us this happens to students every so often. It's because I went to dental hygiene before I started in the physical therapy assistant program and that was quite a few credits. Anyway, my teacher had told us if this happens they can write an appeal letter for us, stating we are in a program and will finish in such a such time and won't be on financial aid forever. I emailed my teacher and she told me that the rules have changed and now when this happens, the only way they can write an appeal is if we have 12 hours or less credit hours to go. Well, I have more than 12 so there is a good chance I won't be able to use financial aid anymore. Which really sucks because now I have no idea how I'm going to pay for college. I hate money. It's so stressful! I'm going to call ICC tomorrow and see if there is anything I can do.

I finally got my potty training book for Logan and just started reading it. I can't wait to get through the whole thing and try to get him peeing and pooping on the potty. I sure hope it works. One thing it did say is that I need to get a doll that wets itself so he can demonstrate to me how one is supposed to sit on the potty to pee. We went to Wal-Mart yesterday and got the doll. Logan loves this thing and says it's his baby. Now I just have to finish the book and we can get started.

The girls are doing wonderful. On New Year's Eve they slept for 5 1/2 hours!! I couldn't believe it. Last night wasn't as good, but hopefully they will start sleeping longer during the night. Anna is still sleeping wonderfully on her tummy, but Aimee hates it. I was able to buy another cradle swing since both girls really seem to like it and usually sleep pretty well in it. Craigslist is an awesome place to find baby items for decent prices. That is where I have found almost everything used for the girls. Except their crib, I found that at a garage sale for $15. I love a deal. I am starting to tell a difference between their cries as well. Anna doesn't sound quite like a newborn anymore and has a shriller cry. Aimee is still my mellow baby. When I'm changing her diaper, she'll just look around and just be content. Anna still cries everytime I change her diaper. Both girls are also in 0-3 month clothes now as well. No cooing or smiling yet, but hopefully soon.

Logan has been a bit of a pain lately. He likes to shriek at the top of his lungs and this always wakes up the girls if they are in the same room as him. I tell him to be quiet because the girls are sleeping, but he continues to do it. Or he'll run onto the couch when I'm holding one of the girls and almost collides with them. I get after him about that too, but all he does is laugh. I've attempted to do time out, but he won't sit there and I have to hold him in his chair. I don't think that's what I'm supposed to be doing though. I want his to sit there on his own. Will he ever learn? I have also started spanking him. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Honestly, having the twins really isn't that difficult right now since they can't really go anywhere. My real issue is Logan. If it wasn't for him, things would be so much easier right now. I love him to death, but sometimes I just wish I could send him to grandma's for a week.

'Back to Sleep'

'Back to Sleep' - This is the phrase used to remind parents to lay their babies on their backs to reduce the risk of SIDS. I always laid Logan on his back and he never had an issue with it, and I felt better knowing my son was that much safer from dying from SIDS. The girls are a different story. Just like I did with Logan, I laid both girls on their back and tucked a blanket into the sides of the cribs that covered them. Anna is my impatient baby and who we are now calling the 'evil twin'. Haha, I love her, but one day Aimee was crying waiting for me to make her bottle and Anna spit out her paci and just smiled. We think she liked hearing her sister so troubled, which is why we are calling her evil. Anyway, it is difficult to make Anna content. My mom suggested I try laying her on her tummy. My mom had done it a couple of nights while she was here and Anna slept like, well, like a baby. I was pretty resistant to at it first, but today I caved. I laid Anna on her tummy and she instantly calmed down and went to sleep. Beautiful silence.

You may think I'm risking my daughter's well being, but you would have to know what I have been dealing with the last few days. There hasn't been a single minute in the last few days that one of the girls has not been fussy. I don't think I've put the girls down to sleep for five minutes before the other one starts crying. I wish I could explain this better so you could understand what it's like. I haven't been able to get any cleaning done, any food made or given Logan any attention at all during the past few days because the girls are demanding our attention. We are constantly holding them since they refuse to calm down. To be completely honest, I'm getting sick of these girls. I just want to leave them in their room and let them cry sometimes. They have changed our lives so much and I just need a break. Everyone says to take a nap while they nap, well that isn't possible with a two year old. I'm exhausted and have just been eating what I can grab, which hasn't been very healthy and I'm gaining some weight. I hate it! At this very moment, Anna is sleeping in her crib laying on her tummy and Vince is sitting next to me watching tv while holding Aimee, who is wide awake. She refuses to go to sleep.

On to happier things, the girls recently had a WIC appointment and Anna is weighing 8lbs 13 oz and is 20 1/4 inches. Aimee is 7lbs 11 oz and 20 inches. Aimee needs to catch up with her sister. I know they are the exact same age, but I think of Anna as the older sister. I'm not sure why. She seems to be a little ahead of Aimee in everything right now. Anna eats more, her cry has changed a little already and she is doing better at holding up her head. I've also started dressing her in 0-3 month clothes, while Aimee is still in newborn. I love them both, but because I've put this mental thought that Anna is older, I tend to be a little more careful with Aimee. I don't know why.

Logan had a good Christmas. He got lots of presents and I'm going to go through all his toys and sell some of his older ones. There is a no reason a two year old needs so many toys. This year hasn't felt very Christmasy to me at all. I think it's because I've been so busy with the girls and I just haven't been able to enjoy the season at all. I'm hoping next year will be better. Both girls are finally asleep and Vince and I are going to watch a movie before the girls wake up, which will probably be in 30 minutes....

The Potty

The potty is my nemesis. I've been trying for a couple weeks now to potty train Logan and he still has yet to even pee in the potty. My thought is if I can just get him to pee in it once and make a huge deal of it, he will be more likely to pee in it again. So from the suggestion of a MoM(mom of multiples) in my twins group, I bought the book "Toilet Training in Less than a Day"



I ordered it off of Amazon today and hope to be getting it in a few days. I've heard good things about it and that you can train your child in a few hours. Once I get it and start at it of course I'll let everyone know how it goes. I just can't keep changing three kid's diapers every day.

The girls were pretty good today, but have been sleeping a lot. I have a feeling I may not be getting much sleep tonight. My mom has been coming out every night, except for weekends, since the twins have been born. I need to start managing on my own. So I told her to stay home tonight and also had told her she could stay home this past Monday night. My sister, Ashleigh, said she would like to help me and came on Monday night. Poor girl was so tired the next morning. I think taking care of twins is a very good birth control. I mean, taking care of one baby is difficult. I bet taking care of two would definitely scare some people into stop having sex. So send over your teenagers for an evening, I'd love the help and the teenager might get something out of it too :)

As I'm writing this blog tonight, I'm feeding Anna. I was on yahoo and saw that Wal-Mart pulled their Enfamil Newborn formula off the shelves because a newborn died from a bacteria they may have contracted from the formula. This scares the crap out of me since this is the formula the girls use. When I went to Wal-Mart yesterday to get formula, all their Newborn Enfamil was gone. I just thought it was sold out. I just hope it's wrong and it's not the formula. Maybe the bottle just wasn't cleaned right and bacteria grew on that. Either way, I'm going to hold my girls a little tighter tonight.

Almost Done

School is almost done with this semester and I couldn't be more ready! I have one more final tomorrow and then I have a month off. It's difficult for me to fit in an entire blog post lately and I've been trying to post some of what my days are like on Facebook. The girls turned one month old yesterday. I can't believe how fast it's gone already. That also means in a month they will have their two month shots and I'm not looking forward to that at all.
I'm thinking of changing my name. Logan is constantly saying, "Mommy" even if he doesn't want anything. If I try to get away from him, he follows me. I don't even think "Daddy" is in his vocabulary anymore. I'm getting tired of listening to him and have started yelling at him. I don't like it, but he won't leave me alone. I'm also going to say right off that this blog is going to be blatantly honest. Not only is this blog for my readers but also for me. I want to remember these times with my kids because I know these first couple months will all become a blur. So if I offend someone, sorry, but you've been warned.
My family and friends have been extremely helpful and supportive during this time. My mom is here every night, except the weekends, to help me with my night feedings and sticks around while I'm at school. She has coordinated help for me when she needs someone to help with the girls and Logan while I'm at school. When my mom can't find someone, I ask my cousin, who also works a full time job second shift, and she'll come and help. My family and friends have brought us dinner, one has even brought dinner twice. My former church family(Apostolic Christian) have gotten together and brought me loads of diapers and freezer meals to last us at least a month and they're going to do it again two more times. I can't say the same for Vince's family and friends. His mom and aunt have brought dinner once. His aunt was supposed to come on Saturday to help with the twins since Vince was working and I can't handle all three kids by myself. I messaged her the night before to make sure she was still coming and she said she wasn't feeling good and wasn't going to make it. Likely story. I think that if I hadn't messaged her she wouldn't even have let me know she wasn't coming. His mom has taken Logan a few evenings and his sister is coming later in the week to help me. That's it though. No one else has stepped up to the plate and it really bothers me. Everyone is so excited that there are twins in the family and can't wait to see them, but when they can see that I'm asking for help, I get nothing.
The girls are still getting up 2-3 times a night and it's not together all the time. So if you look at it from each twin, my mom and I are getting up 5-6 times a night some nights. I rarely get a nap during the day because once the girls are finally sleeping, Logan is up. Vince will come home and the twins are up again and I can't expect him to handle all three kids alone. I'm exhausted by 7pm, but I have to keep going and then get up all night again. I don't like hearing people say that they understand how I'm feeling when they don't have twins. They don't understand. That's why I have my Moms of Twins group, they DO understand. I don't know all of the ladies very well in the group yet, but I'm friends with lots of them on facebook. When I post a status about my day and how exhausted I am with the twins, I know the comments they leave are truly heartfelt and they know exactly what I'm going through. So if any of my MoM friends are reading this, you are awesome and all supermoms!!
I had written in a previous post that the twins were a complete surprise and I wasn't planning on getting pregnant while in school. That's why I was on the pill. So when people say that's why they spaced their kids out, I was planning on spacing my kids out. I don't need comments from the peanut gallery telling me I'm an idiot for having three kids under three years old while in school and working. This wasn't my plan.....it's God's plan and I know he's got my back.