Back to Work

The time has come for me to start back to work. This Saturday will be my first day back after 12 weeks off. I cannot believe how fast it went. Thankfully though, I will only be working on the weekends so it won't be too bad. I'm also excited that it will be first shift as well, so I will still be able to put Logan to bed every night. We've got a little routine going and the one time I had Vince do it, Logan was very upset. Daddy didn't give him a kiss goodnight and I always do. :) Vince also had this past week off work because CAT shut down half of their line and there wasn't enough for everyone to do, so he stayed home. It will be a little rough without a paycheck next week, but we'll manage.

School will also be starting back up this month too. I received a letter in the mail from ICC telling me that my financial aid was terminated because I've accumulated too many college credits over my college career. My teachers had told us this happens to students every so often. It's because I went to dental hygiene before I started in the physical therapy assistant program and that was quite a few credits. Anyway, my teacher had told us if this happens they can write an appeal letter for us, stating we are in a program and will finish in such a such time and won't be on financial aid forever. I emailed my teacher and she told me that the rules have changed and now when this happens, the only way they can write an appeal is if we have 12 hours or less credit hours to go. Well, I have more than 12 so there is a good chance I won't be able to use financial aid anymore. Which really sucks because now I have no idea how I'm going to pay for college. I hate money. It's so stressful! I'm going to call ICC tomorrow and see if there is anything I can do.

I finally got my potty training book for Logan and just started reading it. I can't wait to get through the whole thing and try to get him peeing and pooping on the potty. I sure hope it works. One thing it did say is that I need to get a doll that wets itself so he can demonstrate to me how one is supposed to sit on the potty to pee. We went to Wal-Mart yesterday and got the doll. Logan loves this thing and says it's his baby. Now I just have to finish the book and we can get started.

The girls are doing wonderful. On New Year's Eve they slept for 5 1/2 hours!! I couldn't believe it. Last night wasn't as good, but hopefully they will start sleeping longer during the night. Anna is still sleeping wonderfully on her tummy, but Aimee hates it. I was able to buy another cradle swing since both girls really seem to like it and usually sleep pretty well in it. Craigslist is an awesome place to find baby items for decent prices. That is where I have found almost everything used for the girls. Except their crib, I found that at a garage sale for $15. I love a deal. I am starting to tell a difference between their cries as well. Anna doesn't sound quite like a newborn anymore and has a shriller cry. Aimee is still my mellow baby. When I'm changing her diaper, she'll just look around and just be content. Anna still cries everytime I change her diaper. Both girls are also in 0-3 month clothes now as well. No cooing or smiling yet, but hopefully soon.

Logan has been a bit of a pain lately. He likes to shriek at the top of his lungs and this always wakes up the girls if they are in the same room as him. I tell him to be quiet because the girls are sleeping, but he continues to do it. Or he'll run onto the couch when I'm holding one of the girls and almost collides with them. I get after him about that too, but all he does is laugh. I've attempted to do time out, but he won't sit there and I have to hold him in his chair. I don't think that's what I'm supposed to be doing though. I want his to sit there on his own. Will he ever learn? I have also started spanking him. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Honestly, having the twins really isn't that difficult right now since they can't really go anywhere. My real issue is Logan. If it wasn't for him, things would be so much easier right now. I love him to death, but sometimes I just wish I could send him to grandma's for a week.

'Back to Sleep'

'Back to Sleep' - This is the phrase used to remind parents to lay their babies on their backs to reduce the risk of SIDS. I always laid Logan on his back and he never had an issue with it, and I felt better knowing my son was that much safer from dying from SIDS. The girls are a different story. Just like I did with Logan, I laid both girls on their back and tucked a blanket into the sides of the cribs that covered them. Anna is my impatient baby and who we are now calling the 'evil twin'. Haha, I love her, but one day Aimee was crying waiting for me to make her bottle and Anna spit out her paci and just smiled. We think she liked hearing her sister so troubled, which is why we are calling her evil. Anyway, it is difficult to make Anna content. My mom suggested I try laying her on her tummy. My mom had done it a couple of nights while she was here and Anna slept like, well, like a baby. I was pretty resistant to at it first, but today I caved. I laid Anna on her tummy and she instantly calmed down and went to sleep. Beautiful silence.

You may think I'm risking my daughter's well being, but you would have to know what I have been dealing with the last few days. There hasn't been a single minute in the last few days that one of the girls has not been fussy. I don't think I've put the girls down to sleep for five minutes before the other one starts crying. I wish I could explain this better so you could understand what it's like. I haven't been able to get any cleaning done, any food made or given Logan any attention at all during the past few days because the girls are demanding our attention. We are constantly holding them since they refuse to calm down. To be completely honest, I'm getting sick of these girls. I just want to leave them in their room and let them cry sometimes. They have changed our lives so much and I just need a break. Everyone says to take a nap while they nap, well that isn't possible with a two year old. I'm exhausted and have just been eating what I can grab, which hasn't been very healthy and I'm gaining some weight. I hate it! At this very moment, Anna is sleeping in her crib laying on her tummy and Vince is sitting next to me watching tv while holding Aimee, who is wide awake. She refuses to go to sleep.

On to happier things, the girls recently had a WIC appointment and Anna is weighing 8lbs 13 oz and is 20 1/4 inches. Aimee is 7lbs 11 oz and 20 inches. Aimee needs to catch up with her sister. I know they are the exact same age, but I think of Anna as the older sister. I'm not sure why. She seems to be a little ahead of Aimee in everything right now. Anna eats more, her cry has changed a little already and she is doing better at holding up her head. I've also started dressing her in 0-3 month clothes, while Aimee is still in newborn. I love them both, but because I've put this mental thought that Anna is older, I tend to be a little more careful with Aimee. I don't know why.

Logan had a good Christmas. He got lots of presents and I'm going to go through all his toys and sell some of his older ones. There is a no reason a two year old needs so many toys. This year hasn't felt very Christmasy to me at all. I think it's because I've been so busy with the girls and I just haven't been able to enjoy the season at all. I'm hoping next year will be better. Both girls are finally asleep and Vince and I are going to watch a movie before the girls wake up, which will probably be in 30 minutes....

The Potty

The potty is my nemesis. I've been trying for a couple weeks now to potty train Logan and he still has yet to even pee in the potty. My thought is if I can just get him to pee in it once and make a huge deal of it, he will be more likely to pee in it again. So from the suggestion of a MoM(mom of multiples) in my twins group, I bought the book "Toilet Training in Less than a Day"



I ordered it off of Amazon today and hope to be getting it in a few days. I've heard good things about it and that you can train your child in a few hours. Once I get it and start at it of course I'll let everyone know how it goes. I just can't keep changing three kid's diapers every day.

The girls were pretty good today, but have been sleeping a lot. I have a feeling I may not be getting much sleep tonight. My mom has been coming out every night, except for weekends, since the twins have been born. I need to start managing on my own. So I told her to stay home tonight and also had told her she could stay home this past Monday night. My sister, Ashleigh, said she would like to help me and came on Monday night. Poor girl was so tired the next morning. I think taking care of twins is a very good birth control. I mean, taking care of one baby is difficult. I bet taking care of two would definitely scare some people into stop having sex. So send over your teenagers for an evening, I'd love the help and the teenager might get something out of it too :)

As I'm writing this blog tonight, I'm feeding Anna. I was on yahoo and saw that Wal-Mart pulled their Enfamil Newborn formula off the shelves because a newborn died from a bacteria they may have contracted from the formula. This scares the crap out of me since this is the formula the girls use. When I went to Wal-Mart yesterday to get formula, all their Newborn Enfamil was gone. I just thought it was sold out. I just hope it's wrong and it's not the formula. Maybe the bottle just wasn't cleaned right and bacteria grew on that. Either way, I'm going to hold my girls a little tighter tonight.

Almost Done

School is almost done with this semester and I couldn't be more ready! I have one more final tomorrow and then I have a month off. It's difficult for me to fit in an entire blog post lately and I've been trying to post some of what my days are like on Facebook. The girls turned one month old yesterday. I can't believe how fast it's gone already. That also means in a month they will have their two month shots and I'm not looking forward to that at all.
I'm thinking of changing my name. Logan is constantly saying, "Mommy" even if he doesn't want anything. If I try to get away from him, he follows me. I don't even think "Daddy" is in his vocabulary anymore. I'm getting tired of listening to him and have started yelling at him. I don't like it, but he won't leave me alone. I'm also going to say right off that this blog is going to be blatantly honest. Not only is this blog for my readers but also for me. I want to remember these times with my kids because I know these first couple months will all become a blur. So if I offend someone, sorry, but you've been warned.
My family and friends have been extremely helpful and supportive during this time. My mom is here every night, except the weekends, to help me with my night feedings and sticks around while I'm at school. She has coordinated help for me when she needs someone to help with the girls and Logan while I'm at school. When my mom can't find someone, I ask my cousin, who also works a full time job second shift, and she'll come and help. My family and friends have brought us dinner, one has even brought dinner twice. My former church family(Apostolic Christian) have gotten together and brought me loads of diapers and freezer meals to last us at least a month and they're going to do it again two more times. I can't say the same for Vince's family and friends. His mom and aunt have brought dinner once. His aunt was supposed to come on Saturday to help with the twins since Vince was working and I can't handle all three kids by myself. I messaged her the night before to make sure she was still coming and she said she wasn't feeling good and wasn't going to make it. Likely story. I think that if I hadn't messaged her she wouldn't even have let me know she wasn't coming. His mom has taken Logan a few evenings and his sister is coming later in the week to help me. That's it though. No one else has stepped up to the plate and it really bothers me. Everyone is so excited that there are twins in the family and can't wait to see them, but when they can see that I'm asking for help, I get nothing.
The girls are still getting up 2-3 times a night and it's not together all the time. So if you look at it from each twin, my mom and I are getting up 5-6 times a night some nights. I rarely get a nap during the day because once the girls are finally sleeping, Logan is up. Vince will come home and the twins are up again and I can't expect him to handle all three kids alone. I'm exhausted by 7pm, but I have to keep going and then get up all night again. I don't like hearing people say that they understand how I'm feeling when they don't have twins. They don't understand. That's why I have my Moms of Twins group, they DO understand. I don't know all of the ladies very well in the group yet, but I'm friends with lots of them on facebook. When I post a status about my day and how exhausted I am with the twins, I know the comments they leave are truly heartfelt and they know exactly what I'm going through. So if any of my MoM friends are reading this, you are awesome and all supermoms!!
I had written in a previous post that the twins were a complete surprise and I wasn't planning on getting pregnant while in school. That's why I was on the pill. So when people say that's why they spaced their kids out, I was planning on spacing my kids out. I don't need comments from the peanut gallery telling me I'm an idiot for having three kids under three years old while in school and working. This wasn't my plan.....it's God's plan and I know he's got my back.

Time Not Wasted

I cannot believe how fast the days have been going. Not just that the girls will be three weeks old on Friday, but also how fast a day goes. I get up around 5:30-6am every morning, help my mom feed the girls, do some studying, make myself some breakfast, get ready and head to school. By the time I get home, it's already afternoon. Logan will be downstairs watching 'Peppa Pig' which is one of his favorite shows, and eating his lunch. Today, my mom did my laundry and made chicken noodle soup for us while I was in class. I love my mom! We feed the girls and put them to bed and then my mom heads home. I get Logan down for his nap at 2pm and if the girls are still asleep, I finally get a little me time which sadly is spent studying or cleaning the house. Vince gets home from work at 2:45pm and hops in the shower. We have an hour to spend together before Logan gets up, which is around 4pm. Since we don't have a lot of time we usually just watch a show we DVRed from the night before. Today we watched 'Pawn Stars'. I wake Logan from his nap because if he sleeps too long he won't go to bed at night at a decent time. The girls are also getting up around this time and need to be changed and fed. I also need to assemble some kind of dinner for the family(as we are running out of leftovers from all the wonderful people who brought us dinner) Once we are finished with dinner I'm usually studying again. Today, I'm working on the muscles for the practical exam that I have next week. Speaking of which, I only have 5 days left of actual classes this semester!! Super exciting!!
Our evening consists of watching NickJr with Logan and playing with his cars, feeding and changing the girls and trying to keep them awake so they sleep more at night. If I'm lucky, I'm able to squeeze a shower somewhere in the evening and by this time it's already 8:30pm and my mom will be here in an hour to help with the girls through the night. I just baffles me that my day is gone that fast. I'm trying not to waste the time that I have, but there doesn't even seem to be enough hours in the day anymore. That is a day in the life of me.

Logan is doing really good with the girls. He seems to have realized that they are here to stay and mommy and daddy still have time for him too. Whenever the girls cry, Logan will run to them and say, "Don't cry, don't cry. It's fine" If the girls are sitting in their bouncers, he will grab their blankets and their pink hats from the hospital and put it on them. He also likes to examine their little hands and fingers. For some reason, this really fascinates him. We also let him hold one of the girls for the first time and he thought it was pretty neat.


I should be studying right now, but I was really getting tired of writing how to palpate all these muscles. Sometimes I really need some me time. My mom sent me an email earlier today and said that two ladies are coming over on Dec. 9 to watch the girls and Logan. I don't have class that day and since there will be two people here, I should take some time for myself. I honestly don't know what to do. What does one do by ones self? Vince won't be home until the afternoon. What do you think?

"Mommy"

When Logan was younger, I could not wait for the day that he would call me mommy. Now there are days I wish I could change my name. I hope I'm not the only mom like that. Every once in a while I just want a break from him and his incessant jabbering. Today is one of those days. I try to lay down for a nap and he comes into the room,

"Mommy! What you doing?"

"Logan, mommy's tired. She wants to go nigh nigh"

"No, mommy!!"

Then he comes over and pulls on my shirt trying to get me up and he won't leave me alone until I finally surrender. By this time the girls have woken up as well and Vince is forced to come up from the basement to help me out. This is just one of the instances today. Right now Logan is downstairs with daddy playing with his cars, but every so often he comes up to check on me, "Mommy, mommy? Mommy" and he continues until I respond.

Yesterday when I mentioned that Logan was such a good big brother, well, we had a little issue yesterday. We were all sitting on the couch with Vince holding Aimee on one side of the couch and me on the other side holding Anna. Logan was sitting on the floor playing with his toys and I was getting up to get Anna a bottle. I set Anna on the cushion between Vince and myself and Logan didn't like that. He got up and said, "No!" and pushed Anna's head to the side trying to push her off the couch. Vince grabbed a hold of Logan's arm before he could actually do any damage and I snatched Anna back into my arms. I have a feeling this is the first of many instances to come. I would post some pictures, but for some reason blogger isn't letting me upload any and I'm not sure if there is another way to post them or not.

New Big Brother

Logan is absolutely in love with his new little sisters. The girls don't sleep particularly well in their crib, but sleep great on the couch. No, I don't leave them alone nor do I fall asleep on the couch with them. I know the risk of SIDS, but I also want my girls to sleep longer than 2 hours at a time. Anyway, when I have the girls laying next to me on the couch, Logan will bring over their blankets and cover them up. He likes to rub his cheek on their heads and kiss them. His kissing involves just saying, "Muah muah" He actually learned that from the movie Megamind and now whenever I put him to bed and give him a kiss goodnight, he'll put his mouth on my cheek and say "Muah" Haha, it's better than nothing.

The girls got up every two hours last night. It's rough and I must have forgotten what it was like with Logan. I think most people forget those first few weeks, they all just roll into one blur. The difference with twins is you either wake one up that isn't crying so they eat at the same time or you stagger feed them. Most nights the girls have been getting up together and thankfully my mom has been staying overnight to help. I attempted to breastfeed, but my milk still hasn't come in fully. I try to pump as well to at least give the girls some of the good stuff. Aimee is my slow, steady eater. It takes her thirty minutes to finish two ounces. Anna on the other hand is my speed eater. What takes Aimee thirty minutes, only takes Anna fifteen. When they do stagger feed, I like for Aimee to eat first. My reasoning is if Anna eats first and then I feed Aimee, Anna will have slept for thirty minutes while I was feeding Aimee and that's less time now that I will get to sleep. It's kind of hard to explain, but I understand the logic in my head.

Tomorrow, I go back to school. I've been off for a week and thoroughly enjoyed the time with my girls and Logan. It'll be difficult to leave my girls and I'm kind of in a funk about it. I'm trying not to dwell on it however, as I don't want to get depressed. I've had a fear that I will suffer from postpartum depression since I have a lot going on in my life and feel very overwhelmed at times. I love my girls very much and can never see me not wanting to take care of them, but sometimes life just gets in the way. My mom tells me that even though things are rough right now they will get better and I can do anything for a little while because I know it won't last forever. Once this semester is over, I'll only have three semesters to go. I'm sure I can handle just three more semesters. Plus, I have some wonderful classmates who have been so helpful and supportive through my entire pregnancy. It certainly makes going back to school not as hard as I think it might be.