Wow, I still can't believe that Logan is a month old already! Time really does fly. He is still working on trying to roll over from his stomach, but he's doing a pretty good job. He arches his back and almost makes it, but that's as far as he gets. I'm looking forward to the day when he starts smiling, then those 3am feedings won't be so hard cause I'll have something to look forward to.
A couple of days ago I got a letter from my brother apologizing for what he had done in the past. I was kinda surprised. He says he would like to start talking again and I would like that too. Even if he can be a real pill, he is still my brother and I love him. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to write back to him write away. I might just wait until I see him at Easter, but then that will be the first time he sees Logan and I don't want to put too much pressure on him in front of the family. I guess I'll just need to think about it a little more.
I've been doing some soul searching lately and realized that this is really not how I want to live my life. I never ever planned to live with a guy before I got married and I hoped and prayed I wouldn't get pregnant before I got married, but I let my guard down and it happened. Not that I would change it now, I love my son to pieces!! I've come to realize my life is the way it is because I choose to live this way. I believe that God blesses those that are faithful to Him. I haven't been faithful, I've been depending on myself and look where it's got me. I know there are people that don't believe in God and following His teachings, but that is how I grew up and truthfully almost everyone I know who is faithful to Him are very blessed people. I want to be one of those people. I used to be. Things were so easy for me when I lived for Jesus, and now...well things suck. I struggle everyday with how I am living. I know that suddenly because I start praying and going to church again that my life won't suddenly turn around, but I know I will feel better inside and that's really what's important. I just need to know that God will provide. I need to let of my selfish ways and lean on Him and that is going to be hard for me, so please be praying. But anyway as I was saying, I don't like living with a guy and having a kid and not being married so Vince and I are getting married this year. It's just going to be at the courthouse, which does devastate me because I would LOVE a wedding, but I don't have time for that now. We are planning on having a reception, something small for friends and family, but my family is pretty big so there will be a lot of people there...as long as everyone comes anyway :) We haven't set a date yet because I need to call the courthouses and see which county is the best one to go to i.e.cheapest and shortest waiting period. I think my mom is going to help me with a dress and the only thing we are going to need are rings. I'm a little concerned about that because last I knew rings are expensive. Something will turn up to help out though, I hope. Can't wait and I will keep you all updated on the plans!
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