Time Flies

Once again I'm having trouble staying on top of my blog. Sorry. This past week at work has been somewhat eventful. I wasn't there at the time, but heard about this second hand. I guess one of the dishwashers came into work with swollen and blistered hands. He was sent home and the kitchen was quarantined. Management didn't let anyone know what was going on, just that they had to re sanitize the dishes, use antibacterial hand gel and use styrofoam dishes instead of the glass ones. The manager of the kitchen even told the workers that if she knew what was going on, she would tell us. That was a lie. One of the servers used to work at a day care where the kids broke out with these same rashes on their hands. She knew what it was and told others it was Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease. It is extremely contagious. The thing with it though is that kids are more likely to get this disease and yet none of the workers were told what was going on. Many of them have kids and could have taken it home to them. That would be terrible and yet they still expected servers to be ok with it. Yeah right!! I'm glad I wasn't there. How can you run a business and not let the workers know what is going on. Don't we have the right to know? I'm seriously getting sick and tired of this place!! I continue applying to other places, but still haven't gotten any bites. Hopefully soon.

On another note, Logan has had a rash for three weeks. I thought it was a diaper rash and was using desitin like crazy. It wasn't working. I called the doctor and they prescribed me some RX cream. So we tried that and then I did a little research and discovered Logan doesn't have just a normal rash, it's a yeast infection. So I call the doctor up the next day and tell them I think it's yeast and was told the cream I was prescribed works on yeast, but I should also try mixing in some hydrocortizone. Did that and then he started getting diarreha, which is making the rash worse and won't give it time to heal. So I call the doctor up again...by this time I really just wanted to go in, but they must be swamped with flu patients because they just gave me some directions over the phone. They said the diarrhea was probably a virual infection and it would just have to work it's way through. Come on!! Isn't there anything I can do for my little guy? I call my mom and she tells me to feed him the B-R-A-T diet. Banana, Rice cereal, Apple, Tea. This will help him get those nutrients back that he is losing while having diarrhea. I hope it's helping. I ran out of the prescription cream two days ago and go to get it refilled and was told that it's too soon. "You already used it up" is what I heard from the pharm tech. Ummm, yeah my baby has had this rash for 3 weeks, so I'm lathering him up!! Well, they can't do anything until Monday when they can call the doctor and see if they can get an override to give me his next refill so soon. I wasn't planning on waiting until Monday. I bought some clotrimazole instead. Someone suggested it to me, it's an antifungal cream and the pharmacist told me if the doctor would suggest something, it would be this stuff. So here we go again. I really want my baby to feel better. I hate seeing him like this. He screams and cries everytime I change his diaper, I know it must hurt :( If the diarrhea doesn't let up, there is no way this rash is going to get better. Just keep my little guy in your prayers.

Will Power

I hate that word. Like when you are trying to lose weight. People say that they don't have the will power to not eat their favorite food. It is hard resisting those yummy foods. I've been having a lot of trouble with it lately. But it's my own fault. I go to work at 10:30, I eat breakfast before I go and eat lunch on my break at work. Dinner is another story. I get off work between 7 and 7:30 pm. When I get home I hold Logan, do his nightly routine and put him to bed. Once that is all done with I get to eat dinner which is usually around 8:30. Bad I know especially since I'm pretty much exhausted by 10 and I'm in bed by 10:05. So, needless to say I've gained some weight and I hate it. It is so true once you have kids, it's hard to find any time for yourself. Plus that fact that I work and go to school and don't have time to do exercise. Well that is about to change. Today I ordered a dvd called "Jillian Michael's Shred" I've heard great reviews about it and that people actually lose weight. Someone even said it's such a good workout it replaces the gym and it's only a twenty-five minute dvd. That's what I'm looking for. So I will keep everyone updated on the progress and if I even get time to do it every day. Can't wait to get started!!

Things are Getting Better, Uh Oh

It seems like when too many things are going good in my life something has to happen to make it terrible. I have a job, it's not great, but it's a job. Vince is getting unemployment and is able to watch Logan while I work. We are slowly starting to catch up on bills. Now I'm just waiting for the car to break down or something. They did cut my hours at work, and I can't really be working only 20 hours a week. I was working full time and it was hard to be away from Logan, but we really need the money. We still need money, but now I'm spending a little more time with my baby. If Vince starts working though, I'm not sure what I'm going to do about Logan. Lately I've been working from 6-2 which I like so I can actually use some time in my day. Normally I work from 10:30-7 which sucks!! The problem is, I don't want to have to wake Logan up at 4:30 in order to get him to a sitter so I can be at work by 6. Which leaves me with one choice if Vince gets a job, I have to find another job with better hours. I spent 5 months looking for a job and was finally hired at Riverview. But now that I'm there, I don't really like it. The people are nice yeah, but the manager is really not manager material. They want the dining room to be like a restaurant, but they are ALWAYS out of stuff. If a real restaurant was out of food, customers would leave, but these people live here. I just don't really think she knows what she's doing. Plus she's only been there a few more weeks than me and the only reason she works at Riverview is because her mom is the administrator there. I applied at a place in Bartonville, but she hasn't called me back. I heard that Kroger in Morton is hiring, but I don't know if it's just part time. I NEED full time. I know it seems like I am never happy, but I'm just picky. I almost wish I could get my job back at Olive Garden. I like the people there and the money was good and I didn't even have to work full time. I tried earlier, but I guess they didn't need anybody. I wish money wasn't an issue. If I didn't have Logan, I wouldn't worry so much, but I really want to provide a good life for him, which also means I don't want to be working all the time in order to make the money. Does anyone know of a serving job that is hiring anywhere? I don't like serving, but it really is one of the best paying jobs out there for the hours. Well, I guess I'll stop my worrying for now and write about it later once something happens.

For Family

Things have been pretty busy and it is hard for me to find the time to blog anymore. I usually just write about what has been going on in my life, but this time I want to do something different. I want to write about my family. I have a wonderful family and I love them to pieces. My older brother, though a little harsh at times, is a great person. He has some difficulty overcoming his disappointment in me, but I can understand why. I haven't made the last few years of his life easy. Everything I seem to do just makes things worse and worse. But from what my mom tells me he didn't really want a little sister anyway. Like, when I was little, he threw my toy into the closet and after I went in to grab it he locked me in there. I guess he used the toy as bait. Unfortunately, there was no key hole to unlock the door so my mom had to cut a hole in the door knob in order to get me out. I wonder if we still have that knob? Good times...don't remember it though.

My little sister is totally awesome. When I was a youngn' I prayed that God would give me a sister. When I was six, my prayers were answered with Ashleigh. After she was born, I didn't really want her. She would always follow me around and when my friends came over she had to be in on everything. But what younger sibling doesn't want to hang out with her older sister? We used to do this thing where we made this show called "The Lindsey and Ashleigh Show" We had one of those Fisher Price toys with the microphone and made a tape of our show. We'd just talk about random stuff, but it was really fun. Now she is a senior in high school. She has a boyfriend, I can't believe how fast she grew up. She was 13 when I moved out. I missed a lot of good years that I wish I hadn't. If I could go back, I would change a lot. I love my sister so much.

My little brother is such a drama king. I have never known someone to get so upset over the smallest things and he's only 10. He loves video games, especially anything to do with Spongebob. He also loves it when you watch him play video games and will talk your ear off about what he's done so far in the game. But if something goes wrong, watch out! He just gets his feelings hurt very easily, but he is such a sweetie. He doesn't like to lose, but unfortunately he is a sore loser and I hope he grows out of it. I don't have a lot of stories about Brandon since I moved out when he was only 5, again lots of good years I've missed. One thing, he is blonde haired and a lefty which is totally different from everyone else in the family. We are all dark haired and rightys. We told Mom that he was switched at birth. Recently we were watching some home movies and came across videos of baby Brandon and he looked exactly like Logan does at this age. So I guess he really is part of the family.

My parents are better than anyone could ask for. They put up with a lot of crap from me, but they still love me. I never understood that love until I had Logan...now I get it. My mom is beautiful and warm and loving. Even though she is more scary than Dad when she's angry, she is the one I can talk to about anything. Dad was the one who carried out with discipline, well I guess Mom did too with that notorius wooden spoon....ohhh that still gives me shudders. My Mom thinks she does too much for us kids and she's probably right, but we love her for it. But my mom had a lot coming at her. She had lost both parents by the time she was 36. Do you know how hard that is? I don't. She didn't know her grandparents. Her mother came from England so those grandparents lived overseas and how often do you think she saw them? Not very. Her dad married someone who wasn't from the church so the entire family was shunned. They didn't want anything to do with them..including the kids, my mom and her nine siblings. So they were all eachother had. They are the most awesome family you will ever meet. Gobs of stories from their childhood, but there's bound to be with 10 kids. And at every family get together, there are no fights and everyone enjoys eachothers company. It is amazing and I hope to carry it on with my family. My dad was always kind of hard for me to talk to, but I think that had something to do with him working a lot. We didn't get as much time with him as we did Mom. He is a worry wart. If we didn't come home by a certain time, he would go out searching for us even if he didn't even know where we were. It kind of annoyed me, but I can understand now why he worried. Your kids are everything to you and you don't want anything to happen to them. Dad took us on two vacations every year, one summer and one winter which was always Florida. I miss those times. Sometimes I miss living at home and being carefree again. I hope that maybe someday I can go on vactions with my family like we did with my grandparents down to Florida. The whole Terry Koch family on one big vacation. Now that sounds like fun!!

Working Mommy

I have decided that I don't want to get old. Working at Riverview has given me this realization. I don't want to be stuck in a wheel chair the last few years of my life. Some people just seem so miserable there and this isn't even a nursing home. Mom...I will never, ever put either you or dad in a nursing home. The job itself is decent, some of the residents are rude but for the most part, people are really nice. I've already gotten to know a few of them on a first name basis. I look at Logan and think, wow...the people living here used to be as small as him. It really makes you realize your mortality. Time just goes by way too fast. Actually, since having Logan, I have been thinking a lot more about life. Like my mom was 24 when she had Kevin. I was 23 when I had Logan. I knew both sets of my grandparents. Ashleigh is only six years younger than me and I don't think she remembers Grandma and Grandpa Gschwind. Just those few years and so much had changed. I was always close to my Grandpa Koch and lately I've been really missing him. I don't know why. Being around people in his generation at Riverview really makes it soak in. He's been gone for eight years already, wow. I just want Logan to have a good relationship with both sets of grandparents and his great aunts and great uncles. This really has nothing to do with the title of my blog at all, but it's been weighing on my heart. Sometimes I wish I could reset the clock and do things over. My grandma died knowing I was living in sin. I wish so badly I could have changed that. I must be the worst grand daughter on the planet. I just miss them so much. Maybe Riverview isn't the best place for me to be working...it's making me miss everyone that I've lost. I'm crying as I'm writing this. I think that's it for now.

Seriously?!

I am beyond stressed at this point!! Vince was going to be getting his first unemployment check on Friday, but now Sedona wants to fight him on it which means it could be a few weeks before he gets some money. Our bank accounts has $50 combined, maybe. The bills are starting to come in and we don't have the money to pay them so we are having to prioritize. Cilco we had to pay because of this budget billing we signed up for. If we don't pay the full amount ,which is $250 a month, they will shut off our service. Now we have DSL and satellite which we can't pay and will probably be disconnected and we also have cell phones. This is something that really needs to be paid; one, I'm trying to get a job and have to be able to take her calls to know what I need to do next in order to get closer to getting hired; two, Vince has to have an interview with unemployment later on in Sept and if we don't have cell phones we can't call thus losing his unemployment.

Riverview is the place I am trying to get hired at. I had an interview two weeks ago and still don't know if I will get a job. I've had to call them a few times to keep things rolling in the right direction. At the time of the interview I wasn't planning on going back to school, but later found out I could and signed up for a couple classes. One in the morning and one in the evening because this was supposed to be a job that would be in the afternoon. Also the only math class they had left was in the evening and I had to take it or couldn't apply for the program I want to get into. So I tell the lady in human resources that I am taking on evening class a couple nights a week and she tells me, "Well we might be looking for someone to work mornings, so that won't be a problem." What?! Now I don't know what to do. I might have to drop my morning class, but have to do it by Friday or I won't get a refund. I also have to sign up for another class because in order to keep my financial aid I need to be enrolled in at least 6 credit hours. If I drop the class I will only be in 5. I figured I could just move the class to evening with a different teacher, but was told that if you switch classes you need to have the same teacher. Now I am going to have to find a whole nother class. Most of them are filled up so I have no clue what I am going to do. I didn't want school and finding a job to be so stressful. I hope I can get this worked out. The stress is getting to me so bad, I just want to curl up in a ball and be left along for a few days. No money coming in, no jobs, school is getting screwed up....what am I supposed to do?

Updating

I really need to stay on top of this blogging. Sorry readers. Last week was a rough week for Logan. Tuesday was the day he was getting his skin tags removed from his ears. He was born with them and since Medicaid is covering all of it, we decided to go ahead and get them removed. Plus, they are noticeable and I didn't want him getting teased as he got older. The day of the "surgery" he wasn't allowed to have any formula 6 hours before he was to go under. Since all he really eats anymore is formula I had to make sure I had a stockpile of breast milk for the big day and had been pumping all week. He was allowed to have breast milk 4 hours before the procedure. So I wake him up early in the morning since his appointment was at 9am and feed him what breast milk I had stockpiled. That was around 6:30 am. I figured we would get there and have to wait a bit so I didn't do the 4 hours exactly. His "surgery" was taking place at the Center For Health which is right next to Shops at Grand Prairie. It was a very nice place. All the people were awesome, and I highly recommend it. We get checked in and have to wait for just a few minutes when the nurse comes out and calls us back. Logan gave her the biggest smile and was all bubbly and when she reached for him, he went right to her. I couldn't believe it! She carried him around for awhile and was saying he was so cute and he was making her want to have another baby, so cute. We walk back to the nurses station and on cue they all say, "Awwwww." Logan was in some pretty sanzy pj's, maybe that's why everyone was loving on him :) Once we get into our room where we put Logan into his gown and we wait and wait and wait some more. They brought a wagon over for us and we gave Logan a ride around the place. He was getting pretty hungry at this point and very fussy. I really don't know why they had us come in so early and we had to wait so long. He finally gets taken away from us around 11:30am and we go back into the waiting room until everything is over. It doesn't take long before they call only one of us back, of course mommy went, and my poor little man is screaming his head off. He has an IV in his hand and some monitor on his toe and some kind of stickers on his chest. He was not happy. I give him a bottle and nurse him, but he just isn't calming down, at which point they move him into recovery. Vince is there and Logan goes to him and calms down immediatly. He loves his daddy so much, it makes me jealous at times. They had already taken the IV and monitor off of him. I hated to see that IV in my little baby's hand. They told us we could remove the stickers from his chest. It was like ripping off a band aid. There were three stickers and Vince took them off and Logan grabbed his chest. I know it had to hurt. I hated seeing my baby in pain, I wanted to cry. His ears had been numbed and they told us that it would probably last for 6 hours and then we could give him Tylenol after that. On the right home, Logan conked out and took a nice long nap at home. Poor little guy, but I was glad to get it over with.

Friday was Logan's 6 month checkup, which also means shots. I think I hate those more than he does. He weighed 16 pounds 11 oz which is the 33 percentile. And he was 27.5 inches long which is the 83 percentile. My little man is tall and skinny. He eats like a pig, I guess it all must be going to his length. He only had three shots as opposed to the four he usually has. He was happy up until the shots, but once they were over he only sniffled for a little bit and then was was back to normal. So much better than last time where he screamed all the way out to the car and I had to give him a bottle to calm him down. Next checkup is at 9 months and I was informed, no shots!! Horray!!