I’m Not A Child

Some people can be so annoying. Ugh!! I'm 23 years old, I can make my own decisions. It's like everyone wants to get in on it and I'm getting sick of it. Like anytime I talk to my mom or anyone else in my family, they tell me I need to be in a steady relationship and I need to provide a good life for this child if I decide to keep it.....no, really?! So I tell them, things are going a lot better, Vince has a full time job now so money will be better, and every time I say this they butt in and remark, "It's not all about the money." Ok, when I've been the one to support us for the last year and have been struggling the entire time with bills and everything else to do with money, it is ALL ABOUT THE MONEY!!! Vince and I are in a good relationship. We've been together for four years and plan to get married. Neither of us believe in divorce and we want to find a church we can raise our child in. We want our child to go to a smaller school so there won't be such an influence of drugs and alcohol associated with the larger schools. We've planned our lives out already, we just hit a bump in the road finding out I am pregnant. If we fight, it's only about money. Money is our issue!!

On another note, about this whole adoption thing, people say there are so many couples out there that want a child and can't have one. And I was thinking, if couples are so desperate for a child, do they know there are hundreds of children in foster care that want a family? I just don't get it. I understand that couples want a newborn, but there are young children in the foster care, not babies, but still young. Also, people who want children fly all the way to China to get kids when there are so many here already. I guess the Chinese children are cheaper and easier to adopt, but still...come on. Don't be telling me to give up my baby, a baby that I would love to raise as my own, when there are so many other options for couples out there. Ok, well thanks for letting me vent. Ahhhh.... I feel better now :)

This Is It

Things are pretty much the same, I'm still sick as a dog almost every day. I've been working one night a week at Olive Garden because I was calling in so much and didn't want to get fired. So today I was doing the paper route and a wave of nausea comes over me and I feel like I'm going to hurl. I manage to hold it in, but then decide I better call Olive Garden and tell them I didn't feel good enough to work tonight.....again. I tell the manager and then she says, "Are you sure you want to stay on the schedule, you only work one night a week and you called in last week too." Oh I also called in only an hour before my shift was supposed to start, not the mandatory two hours, so I'm going to be written up, but I was feeling fine up until then. I told her I would come in Monday and tell them what I'm going to do. And I've already decided. I'm going to put in my two weeks notice. I have enough stress already, I don't need this too. One job is enough for me, especially since I'm prego!!

I'm going to WIC on Wednesday and hopefully everything goes ok with that. Hopefully I'll be able to get on LINK again too!! I was told, once I go to WIC I will get a temp. medical card and then will be able to go to the doctor, can't wait to see how far along I am!! I'll try to write .. once I go to WIC.

The Beginning of.....Who Knows

So a few weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, I haven't been tested by a doctor or anything, just a home pregnancy test, so who knows...maybe it's cancer. The night I found out, I balled my eyes out. I did not want this to happen right now. We are not financially stable and we aren't married. I don't want to have a baby and not be married, but yet I don't want to get married just because I am pregnant. I'm really confused right now. I've thought about putting the baby up for adoption and Vince is with me on this, but the only way this is going to happen is if we can find a good family or if Vince doesn't have a job by then. There is no way I am going to support all of us. My family wants me to put the baby up for adoption because they say that we can barely afford to feed ourselves; how are we going to feed a baby too. I totally understand that, but my mom's family wasn't rich and there were ten kids and she turned out fine. I need to go to WIC and see if I can get on that. I just wish I knew what to do. Vince has been wanting to get a job and now he says he really wants one. We almost broke up over this because I refuse to continue supporting him. We will be calling some staffing agencies in the next couple days and see if they hire felons. That is what is really hindering him, no one wants to hire a felon. He applied at some restaurants, who usually hire anybody, but we never heard anything back from them. If anybody knows of anywhere that would hire a felon, please let me know.

I've been sick almost everyday. I have no idea who came up with the term 'morning sickness' but it's a lie. I'm sick ALL day. Because of this, I have to call into Olive Garden all the time. They won't let me work since I keep throwing up and can't be around food. So right now all I'm doing is a paper route. I think that if I was able to eat healthier and eat more, I wouldn't feel so sick, but we can't afford to buy food. I want to please everybody, but there is no way to do it and I'm going crazy!! We haven't paid our internet bill for the past month and it will probably get turned off soon, so I don't know how often I'll be able to keep you updated on my situation. Everything revolves around money and I'm getting sick of all of this. We need help, but I really don't know what else to do.